I am sitting at gate D16 of the mccarran international airport. ahh las vegas. passing time before the 12:15 boarding time, i write a little in my journal and size up the passengers. there appear to be two hyper-obese people waiting to board, and i pray to the good lord (any one of them really), that i don't get seated next to either of them. later it turns out one of them is just sending off her hyper-obese son, so my prayer was unfortunately wasted on her. so unfortunately.
feeling some kind of premonition, i walk up to the counter and ask to switch seats. my presently assigned seat is a left window, and i suspect my sleep will be more comfortable with a right window. plus a free middle seat never hurt anyone. "Sorry, sir, the flight is full this evening."
i talk a bit with some of the other waiting passengers. the flight from Boston arrives, a bunch of shit-eating grins ready to send their money the way of their inhibitions. the call to board finally comes, and i prepare myself for 5 hours of windowed half-restful slumber.
as I walk up the isle, i make guesses at which of the rows is mine. the choice is between a skinny blonde college girl, a skinny old lady, and a somewhat weird looking guy. i lose. i lose big.
when I get to my row, there is a gentleman sitting in my seat.
"Excuse me, sir, I believe that seat is mine."
"Oh you want the window seat?"
"Yeah, I think that's the one on my ticket"
"Oh, it's dark at night, you can't even see"
"Well, I like to lean on the side to sleep."
I think I am sitting next to rain man.
He gets up and walks out into the isle to let me in. OH GOD. what the hell is that smell?!
as i pass through, he tries to make me put my bag in the overhead bin. "you know all bags have to be in the overhead bin". I explain the personal carry-on law. he seems unconvinced.
I sit down, put on my headphones, and start crying on the inside.
"So why did you come to vegas"
"I work here"
"You work here, but live in boston? That's a long commute"
"It's not too bad", as i close my eyes and feign sleep
Conversation repeats five times as he leans in and yells into my ear to overpower the headphones.
our isle-side neighbor sits down. my savior!
for the next five and a half hours i breathe only with my mouth. i knew that bad habit would come in handy one day. my pulse slows, and i manage to get several microsleeps, waking up every half hour or so. the wakeups are horrible. a bad dream, with zero excitement, and only the insidious odor drifting past my nostrils, enveloping me, seeping into every pore, planting its seeds in my skin. i feel rain man's arm pressed against mine, as he flips through channel after channel of direct tv, forgetting channel 1 by the time 43 comes up, and happily continuing to flip, without stopping, for five hours. rain man's leg extends half way across my leg space, clearly resenting my illegal backpack getting in its way. i let all the air out of my lungs, and squeeze myself into a ball, clinging to my one remaining armrest, giving it all i've got.
4 hours pass. we are descending into logan airport. i wake up. i take back what's mine. "sir, can you please keep your arm away from me" and take a fucking shower?! nothing like yelling at a mentally retarded person to make you feel like a man.
we get off the plane. i run from the stench. my bag is the first off the belt. i get in a cab, rush home, and take a 45 minute shower and a 3 hours nap.
i have a good prayer for my next flight.