Thursday, February 23, 2006
Lord of the mushrooms
Not that I am in any way endorsing the consumption of illicit substances, but I highly recommend watching "The Fellowship of the Ring" while tripping. The introduction sequence with Galadriel narrating is just incredible. Her voice completely fills up the room and you feel the battle for middle earth raging around you. And the hobbits are funny.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Jerusalem Biblical Zoo's 'gay vultures' return to the closet
There is nothing I can say to make this funnier.
There is nothing I can say to make this funnier.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
yoga
in the last few months i started going to the Baron Baptiste Power Yoga Institute. i mean, what a name! i could only assume it would make me smart and powerful and yogalicious at the same time (with some kind of weird royal french twist). well, so far it is a work in progress, but i highly encourage you folks to give it, or its analog, a shot. as i just got back from a class, let me describe it.
the class takes about an hour and a half in a room that is heated to the high 90s. it seems like the intro sequence in most yoga classes is similar - sun salutations, warriors, twists, etc. this class focuses a lot on flowing between positions, and after the intro moves into balance, back strengtheners, abs, and finally the pigeons (hip stretches). the heat is really nice for being able to stretch more and get your muscles going. and it gets my head spinning a little bit in that "i might pass out soon but it feels good" sort of way. finally, leaving the studio afterwards and going into the cold air outside is an experience that can only be described as orgasmic.
each teacher has a subtly different style, both in the emphasis and in the conversation that goes along with the whole thing. fortunately most of them take if not a cynical then at least a reasonable view towards the new agey stuff. sure they'll throw in a few mentions of your energy flowing through, and your infinite oneness, but they pretty much know what we are there for, and so they work us hard. one teacher though, the most attractive woman, of course, seems to really be into the bullshit aspects of the whole thing. from massaging your thyroid and increasing your metabolism to aligning your mental self and learning to let go of your spiritual constipation, she manages to fill an hour and a half with a lot of things that i wish never entered my brain. fortunately she's still a pretty good teacher, and it does help draw a hippie crowd (i got complimented on my phish shirt today). i know how much we all love hippies.
the place is pretty well organized. you can rent mats and towels, and they sell water right there. the catch of the place, however, is in its popularity. they never turn anyone away (they claim it's a yoga tradition, but it seems like just a way to maximize profits). if you go to a beginner class at a convenient time (as most of them are), you are likely to be alotted an inch of room to the right and left of your mat, with the rest of the space taken up by sweaty, sometimes smelly, occasionally attractive, and almost always in the way bodies. so if you do go, i'd recommend off-peak hours, or weekend mornings (most beginners are way too lazy for that).
the class takes about an hour and a half in a room that is heated to the high 90s. it seems like the intro sequence in most yoga classes is similar - sun salutations, warriors, twists, etc. this class focuses a lot on flowing between positions, and after the intro moves into balance, back strengtheners, abs, and finally the pigeons (hip stretches). the heat is really nice for being able to stretch more and get your muscles going. and it gets my head spinning a little bit in that "i might pass out soon but it feels good" sort of way. finally, leaving the studio afterwards and going into the cold air outside is an experience that can only be described as orgasmic.
each teacher has a subtly different style, both in the emphasis and in the conversation that goes along with the whole thing. fortunately most of them take if not a cynical then at least a reasonable view towards the new agey stuff. sure they'll throw in a few mentions of your energy flowing through, and your infinite oneness, but they pretty much know what we are there for, and so they work us hard. one teacher though, the most attractive woman, of course, seems to really be into the bullshit aspects of the whole thing. from massaging your thyroid and increasing your metabolism to aligning your mental self and learning to let go of your spiritual constipation, she manages to fill an hour and a half with a lot of things that i wish never entered my brain. fortunately she's still a pretty good teacher, and it does help draw a hippie crowd (i got complimented on my phish shirt today). i know how much we all love hippies.
the place is pretty well organized. you can rent mats and towels, and they sell water right there. the catch of the place, however, is in its popularity. they never turn anyone away (they claim it's a yoga tradition, but it seems like just a way to maximize profits). if you go to a beginner class at a convenient time (as most of them are), you are likely to be alotted an inch of room to the right and left of your mat, with the rest of the space taken up by sweaty, sometimes smelly, occasionally attractive, and almost always in the way bodies. so if you do go, i'd recommend off-peak hours, or weekend mornings (most beginners are way too lazy for that).
Sunday, January 08, 2006
what is the point, walter?
snow falling. the snowflakes dance and twirl in the crisp air, readying themselves for a final resting place. the naked trees tantalize them with promises of long life and escape from the muddy snowbanks that most of these pointlessly unique creatures are destined for. the trees themselves are seeking nothing short of immortality, dressing themselves in the white garb and hoping for a photographer with the right skill and disposition to come and capture their own unique profile, set against a baby blue backdrop, highlighted by the bright warmless sun of January. In their silly little tree brains, once that picture leaves the analog world for the infinite replication of digital, it will make their visage outlive their flesh.
too bad for them that this winter is warm, and the snow melts before i even finish this post. too bad for them and great for me. suckers.
too bad for them that this winter is warm, and the snow melts before i even finish this post. too bad for them and great for me. suckers.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Back from the ashes of 2005
As the sins of last year have been washed away, the lunibin of 2006 rises up from the ashes of the great abortion of 2005 to greet it's mystifyingly loyal readership. Thank you all for coming (even if by the time you check out that lowly link from ahrenlw, 2006 is long gone).
as arbitrary as January 1st is, having any date with a modicum of spiritual, religious, or organizational significance is enough for me (and thus most other humans) to get yet another fresh start. And thus yesterday I gave birth to a brand spanking new Ilya, with none of the flaws of the 2005 model, and loads of new features. (I don't know what the "fair sex" complains about, it was pretty easy actually (and while I am on the misogynist tangent, how funny is that expression?))
Sure 2006 will rotate around our shining guide, and at its end, in the cold Boston winter, I will yet again be preparing to refactor the design flaws, optimize away the sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach, and ship the new model right on time, just as the clock strikes 12:00:01+1. But for now, today, this day, I could not be happier about my new model. In addition to blog-writing, I include such great options as yoga posing, ben harper-style wailing, rolling down a mountain while attached to a snowboard, puter programming, meticulously managing mediocre metaphors, and, of course, alliterating.
So, since this is the year of the new me, in our great cultural tradition of the new years' resolution, I will recap the highlights of 2005, for all those that may not have been paying attention.
The Year in Review
Jobby Job
After a 4.5 year stint as part of the LOBBY7, and later ScanSoft (now Nuance) team, I picked up in an impulsive and somewhat inglorious fashion and moved my operations to Las Vegas, Nevada, telecommuting as pit boss for the newly opened Wynn casino. My years in L7 were a pretty great learning experience, kind of like getting marooned on an island with a bunch of castaways who have no idea what they are doing, and then seeing how long you last, and what you learn in the process, both about yourself, and about the job you are mostly paid to do. I learned much about the software business, and what mistakes not to make when creating products. I learned how crucial a realistic assessment of your abilities and skills is to being successful and improving and growing yourself. I learned how whenever you want to create something of a reasonable size and value, you have to depend on the team you have and the better you can make the team, the better the outcome will be. I learned how your emotional involvement can be good and bad - a great motivator to create something cool, and potentially poison for dealing with problems that are difficult to overcome. And I learned how to be good at working, something I managed to avoid in college. So all in all, a good time. Sure there were some negatives, but I'll save those for another post (on my long todo list).
Hobbies Among the innumerable bands, side projects, collaborations and tours, I've barely had time to practice actually playing guitar, but as resolutions go, this is all about to change. I am happy to say that playing/practicing guitar has remained fun and happy for me, so I am optimistic about the future.
Higher Learning
None whatsoever. But just wait until 2006. Oh wait that's now. Shit.
Family
All in all my family has retained steady state throughout 2005. No cancers or other major diseases have been introduced, and thus no new hospital rotations. My mother and grandmother have not spoken for about half of the year, and as my mother's 50th birthday is steadily approaching, my grandmother is fearing the worst - that she will not get invited and look bad in front of so many people. Thus she has begun to make overtures towards healing the rift, so we shall see what happens. As usual, I remain the favorite grandson, the apple of many eyes, and so everyone wants me on their side in the ongoing epic battle of wills. At least my stepdad is rational.
My parents unfortunately failed in their bid to trade their current condo for a better one, so my secret plan to get my mom a puppy for her birthday will not pan out, since their current place does not allow dogs.
Relationships
For the first time in a pretty long time I actually had something resembling a relationship (not like friendship is a relationship, cause I got a few of those). I was clearly pretty out of practice, cause I fucked it up quite royally, but at least Vanessa and I have managed to remain friends, which makes me a little more optimistic about life in general. Plus I didn't have to go on dates, so that was nice too. Now it's back to the grind.
Pets
It's been quite a big pet year, as I have finally understood what all the fuss is about. I got to spend a bunch of time with Osiris, Kamala, Bernie, and Toby, and it's been great. I decided to get a pet as soon as my living situation allows it (probably next year). I have not yet decided between kitties and puppies - both have their pros and cons, but a big con for kitties is that I am still very allergic. The alaskan klei kai is the front runner right now, just in case anyone out there is looking for a surprise semi-birthday present for me. Oh, and I am now the proud daddy of twins (Tubby and Blubby). My turtles enjoy rock climbing, running away when I get near them, hiding under each other, and basking. They also love turtle food and their new aquarium heater. If only my real father knew how precocious his grandkids would be, he'd never have walked out on me when I was 4.5.
Friends
It's been a pretty reasonable friend year. My friends have continued to move away from the city I will in all likelihood be buried in (Aram and soontobegone Bernard), but I've decided to make some new local friends (whose name doesn't start with "netflix"). No stars yet, but there are a few promising prospects.
Happiness
Overall the year has been somewhat mixed. In the tally of the years between 2000 and 2005, 2005 comes in 4th, above 2003, but below the others. Analysts disagree on the key factors pushing the decline from 2004, but often cited are the disappointment of leaving the old job without accomplishing all goals, clouded judgment in several key situations throughout the year, pointless fights, and, of course, the fallout from hurricane Katrina. Predictions for 2006 remain high, however, as the market expects a robust year, driven by the fun easy stress-free job, a mind balanced by excruciating hours of 100 degree yoga, and the newly-discovered freedom to never change out of jammies.
On to 2007! Stay classy, Universe.
as arbitrary as January 1st is, having any date with a modicum of spiritual, religious, or organizational significance is enough for me (and thus most other humans) to get yet another fresh start. And thus yesterday I gave birth to a brand spanking new Ilya, with none of the flaws of the 2005 model, and loads of new features. (I don't know what the "fair sex" complains about, it was pretty easy actually (and while I am on the misogynist tangent, how funny is that expression?))
Sure 2006 will rotate around our shining guide, and at its end, in the cold Boston winter, I will yet again be preparing to refactor the design flaws, optimize away the sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach, and ship the new model right on time, just as the clock strikes 12:00:01+1. But for now, today, this day, I could not be happier about my new model. In addition to blog-writing, I include such great options as yoga posing, ben harper-style wailing, rolling down a mountain while attached to a snowboard, puter programming, meticulously managing mediocre metaphors, and, of course, alliterating.
So, since this is the year of the new me, in our great cultural tradition of the new years' resolution, I will recap the highlights of 2005, for all those that may not have been paying attention.
The Year in Review
Jobby Job
After a 4.5 year stint as part of the LOBBY7, and later ScanSoft (now Nuance) team, I picked up in an impulsive and somewhat inglorious fashion and moved my operations to Las Vegas, Nevada, telecommuting as pit boss for the newly opened Wynn casino. My years in L7 were a pretty great learning experience, kind of like getting marooned on an island with a bunch of castaways who have no idea what they are doing, and then seeing how long you last, and what you learn in the process, both about yourself, and about the job you are mostly paid to do. I learned much about the software business, and what mistakes not to make when creating products. I learned how crucial a realistic assessment of your abilities and skills is to being successful and improving and growing yourself. I learned how whenever you want to create something of a reasonable size and value, you have to depend on the team you have and the better you can make the team, the better the outcome will be. I learned how your emotional involvement can be good and bad - a great motivator to create something cool, and potentially poison for dealing with problems that are difficult to overcome. And I learned how to be good at working, something I managed to avoid in college. So all in all, a good time. Sure there were some negatives, but I'll save those for another post (on my long todo list).
Hobbies Among the innumerable bands, side projects, collaborations and tours, I've barely had time to practice actually playing guitar, but as resolutions go, this is all about to change. I am happy to say that playing/practicing guitar has remained fun and happy for me, so I am optimistic about the future.
Higher Learning
None whatsoever. But just wait until 2006. Oh wait that's now. Shit.
Family
All in all my family has retained steady state throughout 2005. No cancers or other major diseases have been introduced, and thus no new hospital rotations. My mother and grandmother have not spoken for about half of the year, and as my mother's 50th birthday is steadily approaching, my grandmother is fearing the worst - that she will not get invited and look bad in front of so many people. Thus she has begun to make overtures towards healing the rift, so we shall see what happens. As usual, I remain the favorite grandson, the apple of many eyes, and so everyone wants me on their side in the ongoing epic battle of wills. At least my stepdad is rational.
My parents unfortunately failed in their bid to trade their current condo for a better one, so my secret plan to get my mom a puppy for her birthday will not pan out, since their current place does not allow dogs.
Relationships
For the first time in a pretty long time I actually had something resembling a relationship (not like friendship is a relationship, cause I got a few of those). I was clearly pretty out of practice, cause I fucked it up quite royally, but at least Vanessa and I have managed to remain friends, which makes me a little more optimistic about life in general. Plus I didn't have to go on dates, so that was nice too. Now it's back to the grind.
Pets
It's been quite a big pet year, as I have finally understood what all the fuss is about. I got to spend a bunch of time with Osiris, Kamala, Bernie, and Toby, and it's been great. I decided to get a pet as soon as my living situation allows it (probably next year). I have not yet decided between kitties and puppies - both have their pros and cons, but a big con for kitties is that I am still very allergic. The alaskan klei kai is the front runner right now, just in case anyone out there is looking for a surprise semi-birthday present for me. Oh, and I am now the proud daddy of twins (Tubby and Blubby). My turtles enjoy rock climbing, running away when I get near them, hiding under each other, and basking. They also love turtle food and their new aquarium heater. If only my real father knew how precocious his grandkids would be, he'd never have walked out on me when I was 4.5.
Friends
It's been a pretty reasonable friend year. My friends have continued to move away from the city I will in all likelihood be buried in (Aram and soontobegone Bernard), but I've decided to make some new local friends (whose name doesn't start with "netflix"). No stars yet, but there are a few promising prospects.
Happiness
Overall the year has been somewhat mixed. In the tally of the years between 2000 and 2005, 2005 comes in 4th, above 2003, but below the others. Analysts disagree on the key factors pushing the decline from 2004, but often cited are the disappointment of leaving the old job without accomplishing all goals, clouded judgment in several key situations throughout the year, pointless fights, and, of course, the fallout from hurricane Katrina. Predictions for 2006 remain high, however, as the market expects a robust year, driven by the fun easy stress-free job, a mind balanced by excruciating hours of 100 degree yoga, and the newly-discovered freedom to never change out of jammies.
On to 2007! Stay classy, Universe.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
Demotivation
Soul Assassins
These are the guys that make the demotivational posters we've all liked. They just put out a book basically saying workers suck and will whine no matter how good they have it. seems about right.
'..."Look," Kersten says, "obviously some people can be highly fulfilled by their jobs. Doctors, for example: It seems like saving lives would be highly fulfilling. Building bridges, building businesses -- a lot of careers can fulfill a person's inherent passion. But I don't know how passionate you can be about processing paper. The point is that most people should work to make money. They shouldn't expect a company to make them happy. A company can be friendly and good, but it can't really make you happy. At the same time, it shouldn't insult you. It shouldn't say, 'We're a family and have values,' and then act like Enron."'
These are the guys that make the demotivational posters we've all liked. They just put out a book basically saying workers suck and will whine no matter how good they have it. seems about right.
'..."Look," Kersten says, "obviously some people can be highly fulfilled by their jobs. Doctors, for example: It seems like saving lives would be highly fulfilling. Building bridges, building businesses -- a lot of careers can fulfill a person's inherent passion. But I don't know how passionate you can be about processing paper. The point is that most people should work to make money. They shouldn't expect a company to make them happy. A company can be friendly and good, but it can't really make you happy. At the same time, it shouldn't insult you. It shouldn't say, 'We're a family and have values,' and then act like Enron."'
Thursday, May 12, 2005
This is just cool
Talking Loud And Saying Nothing
"NASA is developing a subvocal speech system that could enable you to make a phone call while keeping your lips sealed.
How do you talk to someone without opening your mouth? Psychics call it telepathy. NASA refers to it as subvocal speech. Scientists at the NASA Ames Research Center in California have developed a system of tiny sensors that read nerve signals in the throat that control speech. You may not make a sound when, say, you read silently, but your nervous system is buzzing with activity. Recently, they used the system to make the first subvocal cell phone call."
"NASA is developing a subvocal speech system that could enable you to make a phone call while keeping your lips sealed.
How do you talk to someone without opening your mouth? Psychics call it telepathy. NASA refers to it as subvocal speech. Scientists at the NASA Ames Research Center in California have developed a system of tiny sensors that read nerve signals in the throat that control speech. You may not make a sound when, say, you read silently, but your nervous system is buzzing with activity. Recently, they used the system to make the first subvocal cell phone call."
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Protecting our livelihoods...
Police Chase Down Alleged Masturbator
"After a chase through Harvard Square, Cambridge Police Department (CPD) officers arrested a man at around 7 p.m. yesterday for allegedly masturbating in public view in a Mt. Auburn Street window."
"After a chase through Harvard Square, Cambridge Police Department (CPD) officers arrested a man at around 7 p.m. yesterday for allegedly masturbating in public view in a Mt. Auburn Street window."
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
i'll be back
When I got home from work today, I had a message on my machine.
"Ilya, this is Sarah Connor. I have a job for you."
dada da dada.
"Ilya, this is Sarah Connor. I have a job for you."
dada da dada.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
This band rules!
Steve Kimock show on nugs.net
If you have a chance, go see this guy. His band is really good, and the music is just so uplifting and happy and great. And he has some kick-ass guitars.
If you have a chance, go see this guy. His band is really good, and the music is just so uplifting and happy and great. And he has some kick-ass guitars.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
working man's blues...
well, 2 weeks of vacation flew by, filled with rain, snow, music, friends, lebowski quotes, and jamba juice. following my triumphant redeye return i am struggling to settle back into my routine and actually get some work done (the 2 week business trip beforehand didn't help either).
2005 promises to be a pretty cool year. i was sad to say good bye to 2004, it was pretty solid, probably as full as 2000 (still following the good old school schedule). but as i am now less than half way to 26, i think a new schedule pattern is finally settling in.
at the very least there'll be more blog posts now as i spend my youth staring at a 19-inch screen.
happy new year!
2005 promises to be a pretty cool year. i was sad to say good bye to 2004, it was pretty solid, probably as full as 2000 (still following the good old school schedule). but as i am now less than half way to 26, i think a new schedule pattern is finally settling in.
at the very least there'll be more blog posts now as i spend my youth staring at a 19-inch screen.
happy new year!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Best words to hear when you are boarding the plane
"Our flight tonight is full, so we went ahead and upgraded you to business class."
transatlantic business class turns out to be the only way to fly. they gave me the bose noise cancelling headphones for the duration. the seat is awesome. the food is awesome. you get a little "spa" kit with socks and toothbrush. it just rules so much.
i guess i get rewarded for being stupid and losing my ticket.
ilya
transatlantic business class turns out to be the only way to fly. they gave me the bose noise cancelling headphones for the duration. the seat is awesome. the food is awesome. you get a little "spa" kit with socks and toothbrush. it just rules so much.
i guess i get rewarded for being stupid and losing my ticket.
ilya
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
thank you for your support
as if there was ever any doubt. well, there isn't anymore. i am officially the worst person ever to have to have a paper airplane ticket (a.k.a. stupidest person ever). indeed, i have managed to lose my return ticket from milan to london (with its 2 lovely connections). instead i have to hitchhike my way over to london, where american may or may not let me get home. with any luck, i can become like tom hanks in that movie terminal, speak with a corny eastern european russian accent, and wait for a hot chick to fall in love with me (i never saw the movie, but i assume that is what happens). if i am less lucky, i will remain in the greater woburn of italy making a living by selling flashing yoyos and mayonaise sandwiches. prego, prego.
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